I really thought that I’ll be happy but with my performance, I believe not. I try not to regret anything and everything that I’ve done. Because no matter how bad a decision is, there’s always a good end-result but the problem is we never appreciate the good. We never appreciate it because we only see the negative outcome. We didn’t even notice that it’s a good and bad package.

When something bad happens, we never noticed the little good things.

And that’s what I’m trying to do right now - trying to appreciate every little good thing/s that’s pouring down on me - it’s not easy.

This post is entitled “If you don’t feel it…” because I don’t feel it anymore. I really thought that by doing this, I’ll be happy forever. But I just don’t feel it and I believe I didn’t. It’s just that my reasoning and thinking capability is affected with the delusions and illusions I’ve seen.

Sorry if you can’t picture out what I’m blabbing because it’s my intention. Remember, I don’t want to post certified private things here but right now, I just need an outlet to pour my emotions.

To wrap things up, I don’t feel what I’m doing right now but I am happy.

I guess this happiness became my defense mechanism for a very long time. It became my camouflage that made me blend into the crowd. But I didn’t notice that it also covers my true wants and aims.